A new friend of mine wrote a post this past week that made my heart ache.
My eyes welled up with tears as I read her words of loss and continue to as I write this post.
She so craved the moment where she could hold her baby in her arms, love her baby, and sing her baby to sleep.
Then, it was lost.
Her baby was gone and along with it's death, took a piece of her soul she will never get back. She was confused, angry and lost. I am certain I would feel the same.
I cannot imagine what it would be like to go through such heart ache.
The emotions are raw. There is anger involved...and I think it is okay to feel those emotions. They were given to us for a reason.
Dear mommas to babies in heaven... please know you are being thought of and prayed over today.
And then there are the (dreaming to be) mothers who cannot conceive.
It seems to be an epidemic. So many women try and try and their hearts continue to break, piece by piece until they have nothing left to give.
It puts stress on their bodies, their relationships, their spouse.
Hope dwindles, anger grows and bitterness takes over to the point where the (dreaming) momma to be loses hope.
This is my fear.
For some reason I have always feared this being the case for me.
That it may never happen for me.
I know we are called not to live in fear, but to live in hope.
To live in light.
To live in Truth.
And I believe all of this.
I dont doubt my faith or fear that I will lose my faith in this kind of trial.
I know that if the Lord chooses not to bless us with a child I understand that God has another purpose for our lives.
But, I am so a (dreaming) momma-to-be.
I look at my nieces and nephews. I adore them beyond comprehension. They are a part of me.
I am incredibly blessed to work with children.
When I look at them I cannot help but be overwhelmed with love for them.
I am so a woman who craves to love on a child that I have carried and I am certain that if it is not my destiny, I would crumble in pain.
I am not even sure if this is making sense...or what I am trying to say by writing, but for some reason it is on my heart to write about this. I am overwhelmed with grief for the hearts of so many women in my life and around the world that find this a continual struggle.
If you can relate in any way, my soul aches with you...
I will leave you with this:
A song by Andrew Peterson. An artist from my favorite city...Nashville. He has a way with words that stirs ones mind and soul. There are so many wonderful songs an poems out there, but this one always gives me chills, and brings peace.
I pray that you (dreaming) mommas to be will be wrapped in God's love when you sleep tonight.
I pray that you feel His presence in your anguish. That you receive the peace that passes all understanding. There are so many that struggle with this.
You are not alone.
I also pray for you mommas that have lost. I pray that you find comfort in these words. That tonight when you go do sleep, you are cradled by God the same way that He is cradling your precious baby in heaven.
By: Andrew Peterson
Well, I haven't got a lot to offer
Just a rhyme and a melody
But I promised I'd write if it took all night
A lullaby for thee
They say there ain't no sleeping in heaven
But baby that don't mean that you can't dream
So when you close your eyes
Know your mother and I
Pray the Lord your little soul to keep
And we never got a chance to hold you
And we never got to tell you goodnight
So we hope you can hear as Jesus cradles you near
Baby, this is your lullaby
So, are you running with the angels?
Are you singing with the saints?
Are you throwing a ball against a heavenly wall
Maybe swinging on the pearly gates?
Well there's so much love between us
And so much that I want to say
I want to ramble a while with my beautiful child
Baby, I can hardly wait